“The problem is…” “The problem is…” “The problem is…” “The problem is…” “The problem is…” “The problem is…” “The problem is…” “The problem is…”
I do some mentoring and coaching from time to time and I can normally tell how ready they are to accept the coaching. If I keep hearing the statement, “well, the problem is…” I can normally tell that they’re not quite ready. I’m apt to change the conversation to Alabama football or something that isn’t as serious. It’s not that I don’t want to help them; I don’t think they’re quite ready for a solution.
There are two mindsets that are completely opposite from each other: the problem-focused mindset and the solution-focused mindset. The person with the problem-focused mindset makes consistent statements such as, “The problem is… I don’t know if that will work because… That’s just the way I am… I’m not sure if that will work… There’s no way we can do that…” On the other hand, the person with the solution-focused mindset actually tends to ask more questions: “How can I…? Is there a way we could…? Would it work better if we…? Would you be able to help me with…? Could we change it by…?”
I’m not saying that someone with the problem-focused mindset can’t change – it just won’t happen until they begin to focus differently. Why do you think that, as humans, we gravitate towards the problems? Why do most social media posts tend to default to complaining or criticizing? Why do relationships change from focusing on the things we like to focusing on the things we don’t like?
As with every other issue in life, it comes back to our thinking. And we have the power to change our thinking.
Most of the time, the problem is (pun intended) that we aren’t hearing what we’re saying. Because we’re so focused on the problem, we don’t hear ourselves constantly saying, “the problem is…” If you hear yourself saying it from time to time, give someone permission to point it out to you every time they hear you say it. You’ll begin becoming aware of your mindset and that is the first step to changing it.
Association is another huge part of having a solutions-focused mindset. If I’m sitting in a hole, my human reaction is for me to want other people in my hole with me. Mentors and coaches stand outside of my hole with a hand out-stretched, simply asking if I’m ready to get out. So if I’m seeking a pity party, I’m going to refuse the company of my mentor and will likely invite others into my hole, who are problem-focused like me. I would challenge you to surround yourself with people who do not enable your pity parties and will assist you in changing your mindset. Keep asking questions and finding solutions.
After all, we learn more from questions than we do answers.
Christopher Craft
The Soapbox 